Apr 192018


Result: Whites 4 -2 Flinders Uni

First half was not very eventful, there keeper was in fine form and we went behind to a soft goal. We decided to play a higher line and use the wings more and create better angles to shoot, which resulted in four goals. A solid performance with Kirsten controlling midfield.

– John Kylie Whitehouse

Apr 192018

Result: UniSA 0 – 10 Whites

The Whites put on a dominant performance against their uni counterpart in the first round of the 2018 cup. In crazy conditions and strong winds, Patty fractured his wrist early in the first half, with our only sub was being the gaffer himself, Tsirbas. The goals came flooding in, with Ellery scoring a penalty with a textbook finish. We ended up playing most of the second half with 10 men because Tor needed a rest, however this didn’t slow us down,  still finishing the game 10-0 in the good.

– James/Campbell

Apr 192018

Result: Whites 0 – 2 St Pauls

The whites went out to prove that the right mix of pace and experience can beat any side. The boys fought hard in the first half, with most of the changes falling to the whites, however we were never really able to work their keeper. Much of the same can be said for the second half, with the game ending scoreless and the boys were going into extra time. As the boys pushed for a winner, and as legs grew tired, St Pauls scored on the break in second half of extra time, and then secured the win with the last kick of the game as Markus was playing as sweeper. Unlucky boys, more time to focus on dominating the league now!
– Kirsten/Campbell


Apr 192018

The first round of the cup came against the  Comets 2B side. It was not looking good pre-game, as 13 people from the 17 man squad arrived and with Cam ruling himself out of playing. Any worries were gone after the first half, as the boys put 6 past comets (3 Ismail, 2 Omar, 1 Michael [aka Daniel]). A particular highlight was Ismail’s Bale-esk run down the wing, tapping the ball in front of himself then running circles around the right back. The blemish on the half was 1 goal to comets, due to a lack of communication from the defence that failed to clear the ball. The boys focused on playing pass heavy football in the second half and weren’t able to really put the comets away, only putting another 2 past them. Despite, Mikey dropping their right back it was a solid, if uninspiring half of football. Mohammed had a particularly good game, managing to assist in 6 of the 8goals. A good game boys, hard opponents to come.

– Sam Burt

Apr 152018

Evan Mermingis Free Kick

Round 1: Cs Vs Mercedes
1 – 5 Loss

The boys had their first home game of the season vs Mercedes. With Basnec injured, Campbell took the gloves. Despite an even looking first half a soft pass back and a counter attack from a corner had the C’s 2 goals at half time. During the break, the ref created the best description of our game; we were too soft. Another 3 goals in the second half, due to poor marking or a lack of following up, had the boys disheartened. The only highlight of the game came from a 3 pass goal from Cam to Mohammad before Omar slotted it. A disappointing 5-1 loss, heads up for the cup round lads.
– Sam Burt

Sep 052017

The Year in Review.

What a year. The coulda, the shoulda the woulda.

It began in the heat of summer. Trump was campaigning on a ticket of racism, xenophobia and making the US ‘great’ again. Across the pond a new dictator stood in front of the latest crop of wannabes, has-beens and never-were’s declaring the protocols of his own agenda. There would be no welcoming speech only a declaration of a no dick-head policy, any DH’s present should leave now. Bresolin had spoken, we had a new leader with a clear vision to make the Whites great again.

Pre-Season began as every pre-season begins – full of hope and optimism. Wide eyed newbies mixed with the old guard, as the senior coaches peeled their eyes looking for the new Scott Penfold. Unfortunately, all we turned up was a disenchanted Rostrevor old boy. Bres did recruit a hot new keeper however, so things weren’t all bad. But with Bres in charge of the firsts, club legend Crab in support and Alan steering the entire ship, we would be honing a well-disciplined team rather than relying on random French backpackers to save us.

In the lower ranks, newly appointed coaches Matt B and George had to pick 30 odd spots from 5 thousand hopefuls. As the trial games began the black book began to fill with names that would get the chop. Hearts were broken and tears were shed. Someone’s Mum even wrote a letter complaining about how her ever-loving son was treated. It’s a tough gig coaching the 3-4th div of collegiate football, but that’s why we get paid 1 free snag each on a Saturday.

The season proper began with overwhelming success in the cup rounds. B’s beat Cardijn 12-0, D’s flogged Rossies 4-1, C’s got over Blackwood 9-zip and the A’s spanked North City 9-0. O glorious whites!  But our optimism would be short lived as we entered the league season v Pembroke with the forces of Darkness assembling against us. He-who-shalt-not-be-named gave our newly formed D team a wallop, George’s C were thumped 6-0, B’s narrowly pipped at the post 3-2 and the A’s were outrageously robbed of victory by a shady linesman to take home a point 4-4. On the up side, Alex was red carded, beginning his season by gifting us all some lolz. Going to the South Parklands and getting rogered might be fun for Kirsten Staff, but for the rest of us, it leaves a bitter after taste. But as Yazz wisely told us in song – the only way is up.

To cut to the chase, our A and B teams went on a streak of victories the like of which hasn’t been seen since Saf and Wez were ravers. Seemingly unstoppable the A’s found their mojo and Bresolin was already polishing the league trophy muttering I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO. Former Rossie stooge Pedron, had quickly become a blanco-brother, and his dyno skill in the middle was allowed to blossom thanks to the robo-like running of Aidan Hall (RIP). With super flash wingers Matty Chan and Dongas skinning all before them, the Italian lawnmower snarling at anyone who came near him, Bres-academy wunderkind Ed Mitch the rocksteady full-back, and unlikely rags-to-riches story Ollinho Smith scoring some of the best goals seen since the days before Superman’s transfer to Sydney FC – we looked unbeatable.

Under the sage guidance of Crabsticks our ressies too were equally successful. Held together with a phalanx of mid careerists at the peak of their powers, a striker who seemed to score at will and club manager Alan who seemed to be everywhere – feeding balls from the midfield while turning snags and selling beers to minors on the sideline. In goal Dan Aiken – who, like the caretaker in The Shining – just seems to have always been there (speaking of Dan Aiken I’ve unearthed some footage of me from season 2010 calling for a short ball from him – view here). There were some hiccups along the way (bogey team Immanuel causing mild mannered James to suggest to the referee that he might be a f**kwit & the Sacred Heart 5-2 loss)…but this seemed to be the B’s season.

In the CUP rounds we pummled He-who-cannot-be-named’s D team 6-0 (thanks in large to a Pirlo-like appearance by a humble veteran playmaker, who put on an inspired passing masterclass) followed by victory against old foes Windsor (after the B’s had tactically softened them up, letting them win the round prior). An Indian summer meant the sun shone as we enjoyed a montage of snags, decent esky beers and glorious victory. It all felt a bit like the part in Goodfellas where he’s snorting mountains of coke, shagging his mole on the side and making loads of cash. Then something would go wrong and the bodies would start appearing

Meanwhile in the lower divs – things had not really got into 2nd gear. On paper the C and D teams were strong. We had a contingent of exciting new players from Oman, remnants of the Bres academy, some geriatric survivors of the Robo-Cop years as well as a few new heads who had avoided the summer’s hack ‘n’ slash. Standouts were brother Moatasem (centreback), Jules (prior to his bad Bali haircut) and keeper Martins. The D team showed a lot of spirit – and as cheap as it sounds we deserved more than we got – with narrow losses, avoidable draws and a plague of injuries taking out vets Saf and big Rob. Over cheap Schnitzels and pints at the PA we told ourselves that the C and D teams were a 2-year plan. There is enough talent in both teams to evolve us into a major force.

One of the highlights of the year was the ingenious idea to create an E team. Each week we destroyed the dreams of old and young, having to choose 16 names from around 30 players. Heartbreak, tears and whinging every Friday was my lot (and that was just from Wez). Alan, our can-do snag wrangler made a decision, enacted it and made it so in one afternoon. The E team was born. But who would manage this new entity? This was a carefully considered, highly tactical decision that might affect the club for years to come – given this I looked around the group after training and asked the closest person if they wanted the job. Ryan Harrowfield, desperate to get a game in any team and smelling the oily rag of power before him, said yes. He was anointed on the spot. Thus a new chapter of Uni White history began. No longer would the bottom of the barrel go hungry on a Saturday arvo – Ryan would get a game by choosing himself as striker week in week out.

The incident at Rostrevor was the turning point of the season. Aidan Hall was the little girl with his finger in the dyke (no that’s not a PornHub video) – and upon pulling it out he unleashed a torrent of misery over this club. Bres’s perfectly balanced team was thrown out of whack, and the less said about this sad day the better – needless to say it began a winter of discontent for our A team that it wouldn’t recover from. But what brilliance we showed, when it was good it was some of the best we’ve ever seen in at the Stade Du Blanc.

All hope for silverware lay in the B team’s charge to the finish line – and they were in with a real sniff at the crotch of the League title. Could this be our year? After giving Mercedes a right royal flogging, they knocked over Comets before destroying the blues 17-0. Special mention must go out to Lewis Whittenbury for taking home 3 points and Ellery for bringing shame to the Glamour by taking 0. The B’s had a severe case of Crabs – inspired by the old boy’s locker room banter and sage council it came down to the wire with a win needed against Rostrevor, and Mercs to lose. Alas fortune did not favour the brave (nor was it helped by Joe’s ‘clearance’) – and the bronze it was. But what a great season – one of the best on record statistically. As Crab said – the team did enough – just not enough in a freak year. Forza B’s!

So, like every season we had the good, the bad and the ugly. Unlike every year however, we had a sense that this club was re born, that it was heading in the right direction. Every week we had good beers and ice in the esky, the marquee was set up, we had our new signage marking our turf, seats were laid out, the BBQ was burning snags, the locker room was open and most importantly harmony reigned. Off the field this was the best year I’ve been at this club and I’m prouder than ever to wear the white. Much of this is due to the hard work and dedication of Alan – who has been the galvanising force the Whites have so badly needed for so many years. Big props to the Gaffer Steve Bresolin for bringing a single mindedness to the A team and the club in general; to Crab for his brilliant first year managing the B’s. Thanks to Alan’s husband George, my wife Kirsten Staff and our bastard son Ryan for managing the C/D/E’s, and to all the boys who took ownership by organising quiz nights, helping put out goals, washing strips, giving lifts and sharing their KFC chips.

We go again – in Season 2018.

R.I.P Chris ‘Sunday Soccer’ Haralam March 1, 1953 – February 15th 2017.

That’s it!

Jun 292017

It was a dark and stormy night. Well actually no, it was just cold, but nowhere near as cold as Woodside. Actually wasn’t that dark either, as magically the lights stayed on for the whole game.

Nonetheless Unley looked perturbed, as they had a right too, and not just because they were Unley. And not just because we had smashed them weeks earlier, but mainly because Jon George was on the match sheet and had been named on Facebook as a full back. Now many more disturbing things concerning Jon have happened on Facebook but we are not allowed to talk about most of those. Or are we now that certain forces have gone to the dark side?

Anyway I digress.

Mohammed increased the level of Unley peturburance by some margin. He made them look silly on a number occasions and got in behind the defense a couple of times, but unfortunately was not able to seal the deal. It was only a matter of time.

Super coach Ryan (not a graduate of the Bres academy as far as I am aware) decided to change it up by bringing super sub Jon George onto the field. This resulted in Matt Bate moving into midfield and Jon going to centre back as promised. I have the suspicion this had more to do with the coaches hope that this would put an end to Matt Bate hoofing the ball, M Williams style up the field every time he had it. That can’t be true though as Matt was heard to say “only short passes” to his teammates so I must have that wrong.

Anyhow, this structural change did the world of good and led to the first goal with a blistering free kick from Omar. Now I think it was Omar, as all those Uni Students look the same to me……so young they sicken me………yet I digress again.

This is the way it stayed at half time. If we thought Unley were perturbed we had yet to hear Ryan’s half time speech. I have blocked it out for retrieving by my psychiatrist at a later date but it had to do with love and I quote “maybe in a sexual way”. The sub-context appeared to be he really wanted to share a win with his good friends. Plato be damned.
In any case, it must have worked as the Whites dominated the second half to win 6-0 including 2 goals from Ryan himself. The speedy right wing substitute (no not me but Abdul) proved to be a real handful as well, and the defensive back four were masterful all night. The midfield controlled the game and Wez was energetic, creative and looked almost quick!

As I was running the line for 65 minutes you can see the small details of the game escape me….however I was freed onto the pitch with 10 minutes to go and together with Jon George free from his arboreal chains, created havoc in the Unley defensive area. This lead to a penalty goal for Jon after some wonderful skill from yours truly. I will be set for a start next week for sure (sorry Joe you asked me to do this).

Unley still had time to have a man sent off and the game ended with everyone being thoroughly satisfied with a 6-0 whites win (I think Unley were happy for us too), including having a penalty saved. Could have been more but I was on the bench too long.

Can’t wait for next week………………..can you?

 Posted by at 12:12 pm
May 182017

One week after the C’s took on Windsor (and their linesman) and lost, it was the B’s turn.  It was round 2 of the cup, and players aplenty had started going missing already.  We still had a good looking squad though, with Coach Crab happy with the mix of youth and experience.

Eugene (dirty weekend), James (potty mouth), Stuart (broken wing), Simon & Patty (promoted) were all out.  With Big Dan away as well, Lewis took one for the team and donned the gloves.  Paul K – who’s been around as long as the opposition – started up top.  Ellery dropped in to #10; Leo stepped off the plane into #6; Gabe filled the gap at the back; and we were lucky enough to have Matt back on the wing.  Cup specialist John George, and Kirsten both came up from the D’s to help fill out the bench.

There was a chance we wouldn’t play at all though, with no ref at the designated kickoff time.  After a phone call or two though, he finally rocked up and we were able to start 15mins late.

We’ll blame the ref for our poor start then (we need to blame someone).  In the first two minutes, they played a ball down the left channel, splitting me and Gabe.  I thought Gabe had it covered on the by-line, but the crafty Windsor forward managed to give him the slip.  He took a couple of touches and managed to slam it past Lewis from close range.  Worst start possible.

Around the 15 minute mark it was 2-0.  A cross (corner?) just skimmed off their forward’s head and went in off one of our players…

We played ok for most of the half though.  A few too many long balls perhaps, as we thought that was the way to get around them.  We didn’t go through the middle enough, and when we did we made too many errors.

The second half was much of the same.  We had a couple of good chances.  Matt got onto a loose ball in the box to make it 2-1. Ellery skewed a chance at the back post after a low cross from the left.

I showed how little I’ve learned over the past two decades, and got myself a yellow while trying to get my winger sent off.

Rather than us running over the top of them, Windsor regained their 2 goal lead via the penalty spot. Thankfully their fourth goal was ruled offside to keep the scoreline fair.

On another day we could have had them, but this was not that day.  Enjoy the June long weekend off lads, and get around the A’s as we have a third crack at them.

May 182017

In the middle of May on a Tuesday night the Whites E’s got their season under way, 5 weeks after the rest of the division. A strange time to begin a campaign, in what was overall a very strange night. With showers before the game, a stiff breeze and lightning off in the distance, and our lights being ‘ok’ at best, conditions were tricky.

With the D’s regularly having 30 blokes to choose from this year, the whites committee took the bold decision to see if we could add a 5th team to the club in the collegiate league.

The boys will catch up on all their missed games & many of these will end up being mid-week night games.

An early highlight from the game was the 20 odd players who hung around after training to cheer the guys on… Whilst I’m not entirely sure all the banter was constructive, it did add a festive atmosphere to the night.

The first ever 5th team was a mix of players from the C’s and D’s squad, a couple of blokes making their Uni-whites debut and one lost looking A’s player to add some spice. With a dearth of defenders, but a plethora of midfielders and strikers we opted for a back 3, and an extra man in the midfield – in a bid to play to our strengths.

The Whites opened brightly, with some crisp 1 and 2 touch passing & the boys showing a good turn of speed. We controlled the tempo of the game & for the first 20 minutes or so we were decidedly the better team. We got behind the Pembroke defence a couple of times & Both Julian and Isaac (I think) managed to get shots away, but no goals were to come.

With rolling subs there’s always a chance that stability can be damaged. And it seemded as though that happened to the Whites. Our first couple of substitutions coincided with 10 minutes of chaos, as on 3 occasions we got caught trying to pass the ball out of defence and on all 3 occasions the turnover on the edge of the box restulted in a Pembroke goal. Whilst we also made a couple of chances of our own (Ryan hit the crossbar from about 20 yards) That chaotic period, backed up by a penalty meant a shell-shocked E team were 4 goals down at the half.

A possible highlight of the half came in the midsts of our melt-down when Wez wandered over to the bench and gathered spectators and asked ‘Who’s this Greek bloke out here? Why would he do that? We’re nice people!’ (after Alex’s first couple of touches had resulted in turnovers).

Ryan and Kirsten stepped up at the break with a few choice words – basically asking the boys to clear it wide in need, asking the wingers to play a little deeper and asking the midfield to be more compact.

The second half began a lot like the first, with the Whites again looking very good, passing well & generally controlling the tempo. George and Harry were solid in the midfield & Umar and John George looked like they were finially gaining an understaning of each others game. The fight-back began a little fortuitously though, as Telmoo and a Pembroke defender clashed in the box – both went down and a penalty was awarded… (we’re still not quite sure what for)… No one put their hand up to take it, but in the end George stepped up & slotted it home with aplomb. Marking his first ever Uni Whites goal, and of course the first ever goal for the White’s E’s.

From that point on, we completely dominated the game. Jules had obviously decided the game was his to win, as a barnstorming run took him to just inside the 18 yard box on the right hand side where he hit a tracer bullet shot to score at the far post. Not 5 minutes later and he’s repeated the dose with another powerful bomb from an even tougher angle.

The whites were sniffing blood now, and Alex and Ryan teamed up for a lovely piece of play, but Ryan’s shot skewed just wide from a tight angle. Then Jules decided to try his luck with the left boot, his first shot went just wide but his second from 20 yards was just saved by the Pembroke keeper.

The final whistle blew & we’d lost 4-3… A couple of silly mistakes in the first half cost us the result. But again I’m writing about the positives that are coming from the squad. What I’m really enjoying week after week is a never-say-die attitude to the game. Scores are irrelevant, effort is constant. Glamour is lurking.

That’s it!


 Posted by at 9:30 pm