Matt Hawyes

Sep 212015

Windsor Gardens 5 Le Glamour 1 (Greenacres Reserve 19/9/2015):

The final round of the Collegiate Soccer Season saw the unofficial league champions travel to Greenacres to take on the newly crowned League Champions Windsor Gardens.

With second spot safely tucked away Le Glamour had little to play for or did they. ‘Hot Fuzz’ dangled the carrot to the boys in White ‘Turn a very good season into a great one. Become the first team to beat Windsor.’

With defensive stalwart and assistant coach Jack O Stevens finally broken after a stellar season, Kevin Bock returned to the starting XI to partner one half of the Smith Brothers at centre back. That was the only change to what has become a regular settled side this season.

At least six fans had made the long trip (Smith family from Kuala Lumpa) to watch Le Glamour. With eskies in tow and clear blue skies the day almost had a carnival feel to it. Bill Hill even broke the conditions of his football banning order to put in an appearance.

The first twenty minutes of the game saw Le Glamour in the ascendency. ‘Hot Fuzz’ had outlined a game plan and the boys stuck to it well. Possession of the ball was key, as was movement and discipline. The ball was knocked around the Reserve with confidence and both wide players were posing problems for the Windsor full backs.

Chances were fashioned but often ended up just wide of the target or over the bar. Finally Le Glamour found their range and accuracy. Sadly they also found a keeper in top form as save after save was pulled off to keep the score at 0 – 0.

Then came the sucker punch. Windsor broke from the back and tore Le Glamour to pieces to grab the opening goal of the game. 1 – 0 and not really deserved.

Matthew Bate succumbed to a back injury (allegedly from carrying the Whites all season) which saw Mustafa Momin (fresh from B game) partnering Leandro Lopez Digon (fucked back from carrying Matt Bate all season) in midfield.

Le Glamour then shot themselves in the foot by gifting Windsor a second from the penalty spot. We, as a team, really need to show more discipline and not go to ground in the tackle or ‘dive in’ against experienced heads. The results are costly.

Two then became three as Le Glamour made a hash of clearing a corner and gifted the ball back to Windsor.

Half-Time (Windsor 3 Whites 0).

Despite the score line Le Glamour were confident of snatching something from the game. Rousing words from Harry Smith that ended in ‘Big 45 boys then we can get pissed and shit ourselves’ lifted the boys moral.

For fifteen minutes Le Glamour hammered Windsor. The intensity of the passing and defensive press was excellent and Windsor could not get out their half. The ball retention was superb and as was their keeper. Chance after chance was saved before (finally) Damian Holoubek found the bottom right hand corner following a well worked move which started with our keeper.

3 – 1 confidence sky high, Windsor struggling in the heat and with the pace of Le Glamour. Step forward ‘Gido’ the referee. Standing some fifty yards away from the alleged incident and with a crowd of players stood in his way the referee saw fit to award a penalty. Even Windsor were baffled but happily accepted the gift.

4 – 1 then became five as Campbell Hopgood (on for Bockie) produced pass of the season to wrong foot Harry Smith and send the Windsor striker through on goal.

The final whistle saw Windsor run out 5 – 1 winners which was not a true reflection of the score.

Best On Ground (Coaches Votes):

The Whole C Team Squad (Season 2015)

Its not nice losing but this defeat will not take the shine off what has been a fantastic season for Le Glamour. Each and every player has contributed this sesson to this success with C Team records being broken as the season went on.

To Melissa Bock, the players, Elly Pfitzner for allowing Liam Mulligan to play and Jack O Stevens thank you all for your efforts, hard work and input. Its been tough at times but also thoroughly enjoyable.

Thats It!!!!

Sep 132015

Le Glamour (4) Mercedes (0)

Le Glamour knew a point against last years all conquering Division 3 Champions would be enough to claim second spot outright on the ladder. A win and a favour from Scotch against Windsor could see a possible grand final against Windsor next week.

A tough physical encounter was expected and the message from ‘Hot Fuzz’ was simple ‘Give as good as you get, play our game and beat these Pr#$ks’.

From the kick off Le Glamour’s football was excellent. Two and three touch passes were strung about with ease as Mercedes were pegged back in their own half. With only seven minutes gone Le Glamour opened the scoring.

Stuart Smith sent Damian Holoubek through on goal with a cracking through ball and having made a ‘mug’ of the Mercedes full back calmly slotted home across the keeper.

Mercedes responded by sending long balls forward but Harry Smith and Jack O Stevens stood strong under the aerial bombardment. Such was the domination of Le Glamour both full backs were often bombing forward on the overlap to cause Mercedes additional problems.

Le Glamour grabbed a second mid-way through the half. Having been awarded a free twenty five yards out Ian Hendrie Jnr stepped up to curl an absolute gem into the top corner. Thursday’s intensive one on one training session with dead ball specialist Matthew Bate had obviously paid off.

Half time and 2-0 to Le Glamour….

Second half saw Mercedes up the tempo and physicality. A change in formation saw Le Glamour under the pump as long ball after long ball was sent into the Whites 18 yard box.

Mercedes had a couple of sights on goal but the defensive line stood strong and bodies were put on the line. Le Glamour refused to yield under the relentless pressure and as Mercedes pressed they were hit with the sucker punch.

A quick break down Le Glamour’s right saw our resident cheeky shit (Damo) leave a trail of Mercedes players in his wake. Having reached the bye line Damo’s cut back was perfectly weighted for Le Glamour ‘Fox in the Box’ Ian Hendrie Jnr aka Phil Collins to grab his second and the Whites third.

3-0 up and time to empty the very fresh (unused) bench. Kirsten Staff replaced Liam Mulligan on the left and was quickly posing problems with his pace, quick feet and an ability to antagonise anyone wearing green.

A weary looking Master Bate made way for Mustafa Momin in midfield before Jacko and Ian Begg were withdrawn due to injury concerns.

Young Edward Mitchell was sent on to shore up the right back position and a revved up Campbell Hopgood was thrown into the mix to kick anything in green.

At 3-0 Mercedes seemed to give up. Le Glamour continued to play football continually causing problems down both flanks. The boys in White wanted another goal and after ‘Staff Infection’ was hacked down in the box Phil Collins duly converted the penalty for his hat trick and Le Glamour fourth.

4-0 it finished. Second spot secured (C Team best ever finish) and as a cold beer or three was enjoyed thoughts and prayers turned to Scotch (the team not the single malt just yet) and Windsor Gardens. A 3.15 pm kick off meant a wait and another beer or two.

At 6.57 pm the dream died. Windsor 4-1 winners over Scotch to secure the title with one game to go.

Beer doesn’t seem to be cutting it right now. Time for the single malt me thinks (thanks Steve Saf and the England Cricket Team).

To the C Team be proud of your achievements as it has been a fantastic season and a win next week would be the icing on the cake. That’s It!!!!

Referee’s Best On Ground:

Damian Holoubek (Cheeky Shit)
Leandro Lopez Digon
Chris Roschi

Worst On Ground:

Scotch for losing.

Congratulations to Windsor Gardens on winning the League. They were the bench mark this season and we gave it a damn good go.

Sep 122015

Saturday, 22nd August saw Le Glamour take on the no nonsense, agricultural, long ball specialists from the hills aka Mt. Barker.

Le Glamour have struggled in recent times against the direct style of their opposition and things looked to have become somewhat more difficult following the withdrawal of young Chris Roschi with man flu and the unavailability of club stalwarts Campbell Hopgoodand Crab Sticks.

With second spot and a Champions League place up for grabs, our beloved Chairwoman Melissa Bock broke out the cheque book to help bolster the ranks.

An eleventh hour bid to snaffle Pedro from under the noses of Chelsea failed at the death, which left Le Glamour scouring the park lands, pubs and thanks to Matthew Bate involvement Veale Gardens public toilets for reinforcements.

Having scraped many a barrel (often twice) Le Glamour were able to lure former C player Sean Nunan, Chris Neale and Ellery Shopen into the squad to potentially inject some additional flair and razzle dazzle.

From the kick off it was brutal as Mt. Barker went about their game plan of kicking, upsetting and generally trying to bully you off the ball. For the second week running Le Glamour found themselves a goal down after they failed to deal with a long throw.

The deficit was quickly wiped out as Liam Mulligan
ran through and chipped the keeper from Harry Smith perfectly weighted (cultured hoofed clearance) through ball.

The rest of the first half was a physical battle as Mt. Barker attempted to out muscle Le Glamour. Roared on by a partisan home crowd of at least 10 people Le Glamour gave as good as they got and began to establish a foothold in the game. Half chances began to be fashioned but couldn’t be converted.

Half time and one all.

The second half was delayed due to crowd trouble and the deployment of Police to stifle the unrest amongst the passionate home fans. Following several pitched battles the fans were driven back and order was restored. Once the flares, a donkey and bottles were removed from the pitch the referee was happy to proceed with the second half.

Le Glamour attempted to play football, Mt. Barker attempted to kick anyone and everyone. Their valiant efforts lead to their #10 seeing red and the upper hand being handed to Le Glamour.

Phil Collins aka Ian Hendrie Jnr was the first to benefit smashing home from close range to make it 2 – 1. Kevin Bock was next up and grabbed Le Glamour’s third from a set piece corner routine.

Kevin Bock then turned from hero to villain after he somehow conceded a penalty for glaring at the opposition striker in a menacing and threatening manner.

Despite big Daniel Aikin’s best efforts the penalty was converted to make it 3 – 2. Squeaky bum time.

The obligatory barrage from Mt. Barker ensued but Le Glamour stood firm, weathered the storm and added a well deserved fourth at the death.

4 – 2 the final score. The Mt. Barker monkey finally off our back. It wasn’t pretty at times but we will take it. Matthew Bate was quick to point out how nice it is to spank said monkey.

To those that started and those that came on as substitutes thank you. The effort, committment and work rate was outstanding.

To the hooligans on the side lines your banter and heckling is something that makes this club what it is. The support was and is very much appreciated.

That’s It….

Best On Ground:

Leandro Lopez Digon
Jack O Stevens
Chris Neale

Aug 202015

Le Glamour arrived at Scotch College facing a potentially difficult game against the former division one side.

Having negotiated their way through security (only Big Dan had issues) and up the winding driveway, Le Glamour appeared to have arrived on the set of Hogwarts. Big Dan was particularly impressed with the picturesque setting and Victorian style architecture that stood before him.

Parking proved a challenge as the car park was full of Mummy and Daddy’s Audi R8’s, Mercedes Benz and BMW’s. Looks and gasps of horror met the Whites players as they attempted to squeeze their assorted collection of ramshackle rust buckets into the same car park.

Unfortunately the (soccer) playing surface did not match the picturesque setting as the Scotch College (real?) football (AFL) team and its opposition had opted to spend an hour using it for a warm up. The result a muddy paddock.

A player shortage saw Le Glamour warm up with just 10 players, and Team Bock winging its way from the B Team game at Sacred Heart with our eleventh player.

Substitutes (especially fresh unused ones) were in short supply club wide, but in the end Le Glamour were able to call upon Eddie Mitchell  (90 minutes in D Team), Musty (90 minutes in B Team) and Steve Bresolin (2.5 minutes in the D Team) to bolster the ranks.

The Whites had all the early pressure forcing several corners and dragging a couple of shots just wide of the mark.  Despite this pressure it was Scotch who opened the scoring to lead 1 – 0.  Bockie was credited with the assist to accompany his (own) goal of the season for the B team.

Scotch sniffed an upset…..

A 1 – 0 deficit quickly turned into a resounding 6 – 1 thumping for Le Glamour as they ran a mock in the mud and turned on the style for the watching Liam Mulligan’s girlfriend.

Liam grabbed the equaliser before turning provider to set up our Phil Collins look a like for a quick fire double.  Damo then sauntered through the Scotch defence to add a fourth (Liam with another assist).  Half time and 4 – 1 Whites.

Scotch started the second half well and created some decent goal scoring opportunities.  Big Dan responded by  pulling off a couple of very decent saves in response.

Le Glamour upped the tempo and Phil Collins grabbed his third (and the Whites fifth) after some good work down the right by Damo. The sixth followed shortly after as Damo was given time and space to run at the tiring Scotch back four and beat the keeper at his near post.

Eddie, Musty and Steve Bresolin were introduced late on to freshen things up.  It was hoped the introduction of Steve would inject some additional pace and power into the forward as Le Glamour went seeking a seventh goal.

The opportunities came but alas Steve choked (again and again) and he bottled it at the pivotal moment. The final whistle and a 6 – 1 win for Le Glamour against a decent and (at times) difficult opposition.

Special mention must go Steve Bresolin who, by coming on as a substitute, became the oldest White in living history to play in goal and on pitch for all four Whites teams whilst wearing a colostomy bag.

Referees Best On Ground:

Ian Hendrie
Liam Mulligan
Damian Holoubek
Steve Bresolin

The win keeps Le Glamour in second spot level on points with Ross and Trevor but with a far superior goal difference. Five games left, the title still a very slim possibility. Do we dare to dream???

Aug 092015

Four weeks without training certainly showed for the C team against Pembroke as they snatched a draw from from the jaws of victory.

The usual free flowing high tempo style of football played by the Whites was missing against a well organised and fired up Pembroke side, who a week earlier beat Ross and Trevor 9-0.

It certainly wasn’t pretty and the pitch did little to help the Whites establish their passing game. Chances were few and far between, especially for Pembroke, as Dan and the Whites back four produced a very disciplined and dominate performance.

Having got our noses in front at 1-0 the Whites looked comfortable. The tempo increased and passes began to find feet. Chances came and went as Pembroke road their luck and then in the 87 minute the sucker punch. In the words of Steve Bresolin a one all loss.

Referees Best on Ground:

Jack O Stevens
Harry Smith
Ian Begg

The C team remain second on 25 points from Ross and Trevor (also 25 points) and one ahead of Pembroke. Windsor drew 3-3 with Mt.Barker so we missed an opportunity to close the gap.

The C team have the best defensive record in the league ahead of Windsor. Be proud of that achievement boys.

Looking ahead to the coming weeks we have Scotch away, then four home games before the final round against Windsor (away). Second spot is ours for the taking and would be well deserved. You guys just need to want it.

This years team is a mixture of old boys, the odd fringe B and D player and a smattering of pimply faced cheeky youth. To us old boys in the twilight of our careers its ‘sheep station’ football (at its finest) but its our ‘sheep station’. A place we call home and somewhere our younger guys can find their feet, learn and develop. Its fun but serious.

What you put in you get out and this year the C team is a team that wants to win. Now if you want to go out Friday night and get pissed fine, but tell me before the game so I can make changes. It may not be A grade football but it means a great deal to those lads that make the effort to train and pull on the famous White jersey. Your letting them down more than anyone else.

Likewise bad mouthing your team mates, getting ‘shitty’ and making snide remarks is not on. It can knock confidence and is not what the Whites are about.

We agreed at the start of the season not to change a winning side unless there are injuries, suspensions or illness. Nothing has changed.

May 132015

The mystique and romance of the cup, minnows from the lower divisions aspiring to become giant killers and even dreaming about winning the cup. The chance of an upset and that once in a life time trip to Wembley Burton to compete for some silverware provides many with that increased desire and incentive to succeed. Dreams become a reality or so you think until Lady Luck pops up and nails you at the death….

Round two of the CSL Cup saw Le Glamour drawn at home against the might of Pembroke Reserves. Happy to assume the role of the under dogs, Le Glamour were quietly confident of causing another Cup upset.

Despite a first defeat of the season the previous week confidence remained high within the group. This weeks training was of a good intensity and of a competitive edge as the newly appointed Training Implementation and Tactics (TIT) coach (Crab) put Le Glamour through it’s paces.

‘Hot Fuzz ‘ and the TIT coach had plenty to ponder given the long list of absentees from Le Glamour squad this week. Leo (scouting in Argentina), Juan and Cam (Anger Management Classes) were joined on the side lines by Matt Bate (ruptured haemoroid), Fairuz and Ian.

An in-depth tactical session involving several beers, a steak sandwich and a couple of lap dancers finally saw what was hoped to be the winning side selected.

Youth most definitely conquered experience this week with the average age of the side hovering around the low twenties.  It was left to Big Dan (38) and Crab (108) to carry the flag for us ‘old boys’, as Jacko was forced to withdraw late in the day due to an outbreak of ‘Fungal Late Blight’ on Uncle Yuri’s potato farm.

Putting family first the big man spent most of Saturday harnessed to and pulling a plough to help avoid a catastrophic loss of the families potato crop.

With limited resources available Le Glamour had a somewhat defensive minded bench, until the addition of Alex ‘The Greek’ Tsirbis-Smith -Gayen , Pete Hamilton, Jonny Wilson and his Dad Kevin ‘Bloody’ Wilson bolstered the attacking options.

A good warm up, a chocolate doughnut for ‘The Greek’ and final words of encouragement sent Le Glamour onto the pitch in determined mood.

The first fifteen or so minutes were played at a frantic pace as both teams attempted to stamp their authority on the game. Crab quickly made (and left) his mark (on one or two of the opposition) and quickly became involved in a game of ‘mines bigger than yours’.

Slowly but surely Le Glamour found their feet and began to gain a foot hold in the game. By maintaining a solid, disciplined structure Le Glamour began to frustrate Pembroke as they struggled to find a way through the well organised back four.

As the half wore on Le Glamour began to create chances as our wide players began to run at the full backs and linking up well with the front two. If only Le Glamour could nick one before half time…

As the referee brought the first half to an end it remained scoreless but Le Glamour were well and truly in the ascendency.

The second half saw Pembroke well and truly under pressure as Le Glamour upped the tempo.  Having won a free kick on half way Le Glamour poured numbers forward seeking the opening goal. Pembroke packed the box expecting the ball to be driven in.

A quick free kick caught Pembroke napping and saw Hubi break forward from right back drawing Pembroke players out of the crowded box.  The ball was cut back to Damo who sent in a dangerous looking cross. Pembroke were stretched and struggling to re-organise at the back.

Having lost his marker at the back post young Chris met the ball with a right foot volley and sent it back across the keeper for the opening goal of the game (Surely an early goal of the season contender).

One nil up and firmly in control of the game Le Glamour began to utilise it’s bench.  ‘The Greek’ was introduced in place of Crab in the centre of midfield and Pete replaced Damo on the right wing to add a greater physical presence.

As the minutes ticked by the upset looked well and truly on. Pembroke offered very little in way of a goal threat until a twenty yard drive was sent goal wards through a crowded penalty area. Unsighted till the last second big Dan pulled off a top save diving away to his right to preserve Le Glamour slender lead.

With minutes left Pembroke forced a corner and threw players forward. The big ‘Donk’ (Oh Jacko where art tho) from the back trundled forward, walked onto the cross unchallenged and buried the ball in the back of the net. One all at the final whistle. Extra time to come and maybe even the lottery of penalties to settle the tie (still we have a German in the side so surely a good omen).

And so to extra time….

The first half saw Le Glamour hammer Pembroke carving out a series of chances, with their keeper making two decent saves when in one on one situations.  Still one all at the half way point in extra time and the threat of penalties began to loom even larger.

The second half was a lot more ‘cat and mouse’ as neither team wanted to make a mistake so late in the game. As the coach began to finalise his penalty takers Lady Luck looked down on Le Glamour, flicked them a middle digit and said ‘Up yours’.

An attempted crock of shiteshankedhookedhoofed, up and under into the box from Pembroke looked harmless enough until it somehow found the top left hand corner of the net. Big Dan no chance. The goal scorer no idea. Le Glamour no luck.

Two one down and suddenly out.  The Cup dream now a distant memory. A fine margin between winning and losing but when Lady Luck isn’t on your side it sucks….



May 042015

Born and raised playing soccer on the rolling plains of London’s Hackney Marshes (allegedly the spiritual home of soccer), Matt knew he was destined for stardom from a young age.

Beginning his career as a pimply faced 17 year old with his local church Sunday school side in division 17 of the  Ex-Lax sponsored Hackney Sunday Pub League, Matt soon had the scouts (East Hackney Boy Scouts Brigade) flocking to admire his silky skills and range of one pass.

After a stand out season in 2009 (38 games, one goal and one assist), the Uni Whites made their move.  A long, drawn out transfer process saw the Whites break the bank and Steve Saf’s heart by trading six bottles of pale ale, on transfer deadline day, for the fleet footed midfielder’s creative vision, wizardry and trickery.

Hackney Marshes, the burnt out cars, abandoned fridges and the odd dead body on a pitch were soon a thing of the past, as Matt set about unlocking Collegiate League defences with his renowned range of one pass.

Outside of soccer Matt is a successful documentary writer and film directory. Some of his best work involves titles such as the Debbie Does Series, Harry Slotter and the Philosophers Bone, Shaving Ryan’s Privates and Skippy the Bush Kangaroo.

Matt also claims to have starred in the war time soccer classic Escape to Victory, as the stunt doubles for soccer legends Pele, Ossie Ardiles, John Wark and Sylvester Stallone (?).

As the years ticked by age began to take its toll on the body of the fifty (something) year old.  Following a glittering career in the A and B sides of the ‘Glamour’ Matt sought to prolong his playing days by dropping down the sides to ply his trade with the Whites C grade.

Bringing with him his now creaking right foot and crumbling body, Matt soon began to find his range of one pass and vision (with the main benefactor in chief of this being former White ‘Leg End’ and goal getter Richie Harris).

Sadly, Richie was lured away by the bright lights of Sydney at the end of the 2014 season and Matt became withdrawn and distant. A lone sad figure often found in the changing rooms, knees pulled tightly to his chest cradling and smelling a superman T-Shirt in memory of his departed team mate.

For a while it was touch and go if Matt would return to the Whites in 2015 or hang up the boots in honour of Richie.

To the delight of a few (?), Matt returned and (to date) can still be seen breaking forward from midfield on an odd occasion before breaking down full stop and hobbling off.

May 042015

Saturday 25th April 2015 saw ‘Le Glamour’ take on Grads Red in the first ‘local derby’ of the season.  With the season still in its infancy getting points on the board early was of the utmost importance. The addition of securing bragging rights over the red peril just added extra motivation.

‘Hot Fuzz’ again had the luxury of naming an almost unchanged starting eleven for the Anzac Day clash. Big Dan (wedding expo) and Ian Begg (work) being the only two absentees.

Young Eddie Mitchell was traded like a ‘Pokemon’ card for Beggsie at left back and Callum donned the gloves for ‘Le Glamour’ after an excellent game in goal for the B team.

‘Le Glamour’ had the luxury of naming a bench brimming with experience / age (Crab, ‘Hoppy’ and Jacko), youthful exuberance / pace / flair (Robbie S) and ‘Bali Belly’ / the shits (Fairuz).

A minute’s silence was observed by the two sides, and as the last chords of the ‘last post’ drifted across from the Uni AFL game ‘Le Glamour’ went to work.

With only minutes on the clock ‘Le Glamour’ opened the scoring.  Working the ball down the Grads left hand side young ‘light weight’ Damo played the ball inside to the advancing Chris. Without breaking stride Chris walked onto the perfectly weighted pass and hammered home an absolute cracker from about twenty yards.

Unlike last week though Grads were organised, had a few boys who actually play and generally made life tough for ‘Le Glamour’.  Poor marking and no communication lead to the Grads equalising from a corner.

Injuries soon followed the Reds equaliser as first Matt and then Juan broke.  Crab replaced Matt in midfield, freeing Leo from the holding roll and giving the Whites an extra attacking dimension. Cam was a straight swap with Juan at full back.

Half time and one all.

A few ‘Effs’ and ‘Jeffs’ from ‘Hot Fuzz’ sent the ‘Le Glamour’ out in determined mood for the second half. Chris grabbed his second of the game following a good period of possession and a cut back across the six yard box by Damo.

A third followed quickly after. Having forced a corner Damo sent over an inviting cross and there was ‘Le Crab’ rising like a (dead) salmon to bury an instoppable header. Three back flips and a cart wheel saw the goal celebrated in style.

At three one ‘Le Glamour’ looked comfortable but some over confidence let the Reds back into the game. A loose ball was seized on and as the Reds winger drove into the box Ed made minimal contact with his ankles. A swan dive, triple salchow and a pike with two and a half twists saw the Reds player convince the referee there had been contact.

The penalty was converted and the Reds suddenly fancied it. Jacko (blood boiling) was sent on, having spent ten minutes ‘discussing’ the off side rule with the Reds linesman, for a tired Kev Bock (soft according to wifey) and immediately tightened things up at the back.

‘Le Glamour’ resident Spaniel on Speed Robbie Scammell replaced young Damo on the right and his contribution was instant as he ran tirelessly at the Reds back four.

As the Reds chased the game Crab sent Rob through one on one with the keeper and ‘Le Glamour’ had their fourth. A fifth followed as Crab, Cam and Leo combined to send Robbie scampering away down the right.  Having beaten the tiring Reds full back Rob cut in and set Chris up for his third.

Five two it finished. Hard fought and a bit scrappy at times but it shows ‘Le Glamour’ have character and the desire to battle this season. That’s It…..

Apr 272015

Round one of the Collegiate Soccer League saw ‘Le Glamour’ pitted against the blue scurge of Unley.  New strips, new sponsors and a decent looking ‘Stade Blanc’ surface greeted the boys in white.

True to their word about not changing a winning side, Hot Fuzz’ named the same starting eleven from the previous weeks Cup game. That was until our diminutive angry Argie withdrew with a mysterious sphincter related injury.

Text message received at 0835hrs Friday 17th April 2015 ‘It hurts when I squat, just ask the wife. It feels like I have sat on a broken bottle coach’.

Losing Juan to injury was a blow but this season has seen ‘Hot Fuzz’ blessed with a squad of significant depth (some say it rivals Steve Bresolin’s pockets), experience and a tiny smattering of talent.  Expecting the obligatory tough physical and verbal assault that accompanies Unley (home and away)  ‘Hot Fuzz’ dusted down club stalwart Grandpa ‘Hoppy’ and prepped him for battle.

Based on the subsequent performance of ‘Hoppy’ the blue jersey of Unley is to him what a red rag is to a rampaging bull. Needing no further motivation to ‘crunch’ a few of the opposition more fuel was added to ‘Hoppy’s’ fire when he learnt that his much coveted #13 jersey had been snaffled by a pimply pre-pubescent new comer to ‘Le Glamour’.

From the first whistle ‘Le Glamour’ tore into Unley. First Liam and then Ian Hendrie found the back of the net in quick succession.  Liam’s opener owed much to his quick feet and a succession of nut-megs (including one on the keeper).  The second was straight off the training ground as a quick break down the Unley right saw Ian Hendrie tuck away a cut back from the impressive Liam.

At two nil and in total control ‘Le Glamour’ displayed their charitable side by switching off and letting Unley back into the game. Three chances were created in quick succession as our midfield got caught out pressing high up the pitch.

On each occasion ‘Big Dan’ excelled with quality saves, the third of these actually leading to a ‘Le Glamour’ break away goal.

After Big Dan pushed away a shot that was heading into the bottom left hand corner, ‘Hoppy’ seized in the loose ball and broke down ‘Le Glamour’s’ right flank.

Ian Hendrie was set free by ‘Hoppy’ and after leaving three Unley players floundering in his wake, he rounded the keeper (took the piss) and finished with ease.

Goals four and five followed quickly after but due to the torrential rain, subsequent poor visibility, the onset of hypothermia and a technical issue with an umbrella I missed (Matt Bates) two goals.  All I do know is as Matt could be heard muttering ‘Anything Richie can do I can do better’.

Half time and five nil to ‘Le Glamour’.

The second half saw ‘Le Glamour’ focus on maintaining possession and protecting the teams clean sheet. As Unley pressed in search of a goal gaps began to appear. Ian Hendrie grabbed his third and ‘Le Glamour’ sixth from a well worked short corner before young Chris added the seventh and best of the bunch.

Having replaced ‘Hoppy’ at right back, young Stewie Smith linked up well with Damo ‘One shot too many’ Holoubek on the right. Having played a one-two with the team’s resident light weight Stewie sent over an inviting cross and Chris duly applied the finish with a bullet header.

Seven nil it finished. The song was sung with a degree of gusto and Unley (as a Club) were sent packing as the Whites rolled off four wins from four.


Apr 142015

Born and raised with a stern Eastern block up-bringing Jacko spent his early years helping Uncle Yuri establish the family potato farm business in Uzbekistan.

Sixteen hours a day, seven days a week 365 days a year, rain or shine Jacko could be found in the families potato fields harnessed to a plough.

Raised the right way by Uncle Yuri the big man began to understand the real importance of life – Soccer, a woman with good child bearing hips and Potato Vodka.

What little spare time Jacko had he spent wondering the fields honing his ball skills and performing Keepie Uppies with a Morris Piper potato.

A booming surge in the family business saw Jacko migrate to South Australia, via Christmas Island, to assist Uncle Yuri in his quest for global expansion and ultimately world wide domination of the potato industry.

But Jacko became disillusioned with potatoes and began to have other dreams and other visions of glory and greatness.

Driven by his burning desire to succeed on the soccer pitch Jacko said his goodbyes to Uncle Yuri and set out on his own forging a career across the State and Federation Leagues of South Australia.

The big man quickly established himself as a robust no nonsense type of centre back with a smattering of finesse. Built on the ethos of hit hard, then harder the big fella enjoyed a ‘stella’ career. That was until he discovered Canadian Club and age caught up with him.

Stood at that inevitable cross roads in life that all old farts reach, bottle of Canadian Club in hand, the big man contemplated hanging up the boots and returning to work in the family fields.

That was until he saw the light.  A small tiny flame at first that grew stronger and stronger and brighter and brighter. Like the proverbial moth to a flame the big man was drawn to the light and found himself stood on the hallowed turf of ‘Le Glamour’.

Joining in 2014 as part of a new ‘yoof’ development policy Jacko quickly established himself as a starting centre back for the new look C team, and within four games had climbed to the dizzy heights of a coach.

What followed in 2014 is the stuff fairy tales are made of or for some nightmares as the C Team gave rise to the management duo ‘Hot Fuzz’.

Memories of 2014 quickly became distorted in a Canadian Club fuelled haze as the big man set about leading from the front and helping establish ‘Le Glamour’ as a force to be reckoned within the lower echelons of the Collegiate League.

Who knows what 2015 and beyond holds….