Mar 262014
 

Richie has been an integral part of the Whites team in the club’s most successful period ever. This three time championship and two time cup winner shot to international prominence when Commentator extraordinaire, Martin Tyler, anticipated his magnificent Unley goal with his prophetic commentary of England’s ill-fated 2-2 penalty loss to Argentina in France 98.

The words “he could put Scholes in, but he’s going his own way…Michael Owen” are transparent in their metaphoric prophecy of a greater occasion. Substitute “Scholes” for “no one” and “Michael Owen” for “The Don” and Martin Tyler’s true message becomes plain to see for all soccer lovers everywhere.

Richie’s other passion is film making… oh and playing the guitar…wait and developing music tracks on the computer… and DVDs…and reading…and telling other people about his goals…and listening to other people talk about his goals…and showing his goals to others on video.

The opinions about his sarcastic wit are divided. He believes it to be a humoristic expression creating a brighter tomorrow for our world, while everyone else puts him on a par with Steve Guttenberg’s finest moments in Police Academy 1-23, Can’t Stop the Music and The Big Green.

Some say that his legendary speed was developed through necessity to compensate for his instinctive fear of steering wheels and all related documents, but this is surely only a rumour.

Having been featured in The Advertiser for his groundbreaking Kraut Hop short film “Coming from Behind”, the plucky Don moved on to a gritty portrayal of the inner city ghettos of Adelaide in “5 Down”. This West-Side production is sure to make the government aware of the fictitious plight of illegal soccer players in the projects. Word to the Don.

Richie recently equalled the magnificent Van Stevelroy’s club record of six goals in a match against our arch enemies, the Blacks. His humble attitude was exemplified by his short press conference: “Everyone else has been talking so much about it, I haven’t had to yet.”

However, we are sure that when the other players are starting to forget it, he will serve us with a timely reminder, such as this one, which will seamlessly enter the conversation:

“So your new girl-friend’s name is Claire? Wow, what a coincidence! She’s got six letters in her name. That reminds me of the time someone scored six goals against the Blacks. Who was that again? Wait a minute. Don’t tell me. Yeah, it was me. Dude, that’s spooky.”

The trouble with the Don is that he is just a very nice guy, so even defenders can’t be mad at him. As he takes the ball away, turns twice, flicks it past them and puts it into the far corner, their eyes light up like children who have seen a Christmas tree for the first time. They just feel privileged to have been a part of it all. In fact they can hardly wait for the final whistle, to go home and tell their girl-friends that the Don put a hat-trick past them and as they fall asleep that night, they can both dream of the man, who has become a legend, but is still a man – The Man from Uni River.


“After I’d scored four goals, it became kind of embarassing” – Richie

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