Mar 262014
 

AKA: Davolo Di Sampio

Dave “Attila the Hun” Sampson is best known for his crunching. He may be an exceptional dribbler, crosser or striker of the ball, but his contact with various body parts of the opposition is most memorable in the minds of all Collegiate League Players.

This pin-up boy of world soccer has gained many fans on and off the pitch due to his pop success in Adelaide miming sensations Super 5. Dave’s alter ego Jonny manages to be the Jeckyll and Hyde character which makes girls pump their groins in his general direction. This fluffy yodeller of Top 40 nonsense is so multi-talented he even starred in famed Director Ricoburn’s ghetto epic “5 Down”, as the man who knew how to crunch.

Even though he has been consistently at the forefront of the Uni Whites midfield attack, he has also found time to captain the greatest 5-a-side team of all time: DVDA. This outfit of superhuman endeavour and exaggerated penis sizes tasted the heights of Uni Gym success when they reduced Adelaide Uni Blacks Team “The Glory Boys” (former champions) to the “The Boys” and later “The” by wrenching the title out of their collective grasps with child-like ease.

Dave’s respect for the opposition has been marked by his appraisal of their efforts after they have been soundly beaten. His demonic cry of “Easy easy easy” shows that chivalry is not dead among the Uni Whites, though their opposition may be.

Currently doped up with morphine, Dave spends his time coaching hopeful talent Bec in the finer arts of confronting the opposition in mortal combat. Voted most likely to pack a Samurai sword for a soccer match, Dave is sure to be back in the A’s next year, as he knows where we all live and would wreak terrible vengeance on those who would dispute his claim as supreme overlord and ruler of anything he considers his domain.

Rumours that he is occasionally softly spoken are grossly exaggerated..

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