Feb 242014
 

Joe’s meteoric rise to club legend and “shrug game” professional has not been without its heartwrenching ups and downs at the world’s most glamorous club.

Joining the chosen ones of the beautiful game in 2000, Joe immediately carved out a niche with his Shaft-esque hairdo and his silent strong man antics. The boy was fast and glamorous and those in the know combined these two attributes to hail the first coming of Joe, christening him: “Fro Jo”.

Some say he grew up too fast. Others questioned his Afro-American credentials. Anyway for a while it was all cocaine and callgirls as well as hard fought matches and the innocence slowly faded away, leaving a steeled warrior with a heart of gold and a wit which renders the word “dry” inadequate.

Joe’s reputation grew further when his drinking credentials began to get noticed by senior pub coach Simon Capp, who was keen to include him in his private training squad. The AIC (Australian Institute of Capp) is internationally regarded as the finest institution of its name and this may provide Joe with a profitable career at the end of his playing days.

It was a sad occasion for all of us when Joe said good-bye to his long locks for a more conventional style. Girls all over the world held personal memorials, flooded Adelaide with flowers and individual strands of hair sold for millions on the black market. It has been estimated that if you collected all the clippings which have been sold as the supposed “Real Windows Fro”, you could stuff an African elephant and have still enough hair left over for a merkin. Sounds like the organised crime world of Adelaide got their fair share of the action.

However, Joe wasn’t phased. Like Kylie, he reinvented himself, this time developing a Bruce Lee type persona to go with his new moniker: Wo Jindows.

Wo “float like a butterfly, sting like a bee”, dealt his first blow in the ill-fated cup final of 2002 when he was the only player to really have a crack from outside the box. The keeper will never make a save like that again, picking the ball out of the top corner and (hopefully) breaking his arm in three places.

Most recently Wo has been the founder and caretaker of the already infamous Uni Whites website, giving him almost complete dominance over the press releases of the club. Each day his minions are busy scouring the vaults of the Collegiate League for newsworthy items. Bribing the cops, shooting a few informers and making crack in the cellar are all in a day’s work in the expansion of Wo’s Empire. Now firmly established in the A-side, it won’t be long until he is player-coach and then in control of the whole thing.

Personally I hail der new Führer of der Whites and will betray my family to serve him better.

Armin


“There’s nothing transparent about that man” – Jan Pfitzner

“Will his sister be there?” – most of the Whites


Graeme: Notes from my 2000 end of year speech

Joe Windows (8 votes) – put in all year, quick running and good crosses were a feature.
Should be much better with a year under his belt.
Needs to learn not to listen to his old man too much.

I should be a prophet.


Profile 2: by Ben Barratt

2000-01: We strolled onto the hallowed turf of the stadium of white, and saw what we thought was the remnants of a little league game, but no, it was Joe Windows. A man more hair than man. He was however to surprise many with his hardness, speed and to come later, drinking abilities. In just a few weeks he had established his spot on the wing for the B’s and had taken out the man-mountain Wazza (GK) in a vicious and career-ending training clash.

2002-03: In 2002 Joe played just a handful of B games, but it was enough for him and his tragically shorter hair to win the B’s best and fairest. A regular at the pub on thursday and saturday nights, and a regular in John’s back four, Joe has now turned his skills onto web design. A long and prosperous career of injuring people and not scoring goals lies ahead for our “Fro Jo”.

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