Feb 252014

AKA: Tony B, Dwayne, Sonnenkönig Ralf.

Primary School Teacher, Manager of Super 5, exponent of 5-Down, Biographer, Punk Musician, is there nothing this man can’t do. In fact the soccer pitch is the only place he doesn’t seem to get around much. Liked for his antics both on and off the pitch, he can regale you for minutes with his tales of the ’92 team or the time two separate Mercedes defenders changed the direction of the ball and he was still credited with the goal. This two-time winner of the club “Best and Fairest” trophy brings, along with pseudo-German Jan Pfitzner, a Teutonic flair to centre midfield as well as the post goal celebration (no one can pump a fist like this man).

After a brief spell of having dropped of the face of the Earth, Armin “King of the Build Up” Mayer has returned to the club so dear to his heart and kidneys with a passion to succeed, to dominate, to score and to go to Melbourne instead of the cup final. (Although he is about to marry the girl at the centre of the incident in question and those of us at the club, having seen the result, know she was worth it).

Armin’s style can be traced to many influences, the most prominent of which is the Dangerous Mushroom Pizza offered by the Hutt St Australia’s Pizza House, so younger members of the team get cracking, you’ve a long way to go.

Lately Armin has been following in the footsteps of compatriot Jurgen Klinsmann and has turned his hand to acting, although Armin has taken this up off the pitch. His turn as Sonnenkönig Ralf captivated prime-time audiences of Triangle television in New Zealand, and who could forget his chilling portrayal of Dwayne, a 5-Downer on the edge. Truly we have all been bitten by this Cobra.

However to every success there is a down side and in Armin’s case the tragedy is doubly poignant. Although he takes to the field each week with a grace of an athlete, when it comes to his socks it’s a whole other story. As he is the owner of the only pair of socks in the world with an allergy to the enzyme action found in most modern cleaning products, Armin has to suffer the sock related jibes of many an opposition player and team-mate alike (news to hand: Phil Collins has agreed to record a benefit single entitled “Rock for Sock” for the “Somebody Get Armin a New Pair of Socks” Charity, but club officials said at the press conference that Phil is second choice subject to the availability of that guy who plays a keyboard outside of Hungry Jacks Rundle St.)



“You make baby in your stomach… Ha, Ha, Ha” – Nop (one-time goal scorer and B’s kit stealer)

Uni Blacks midfielder: “Whose Ball?”
Everyone else crying out in the style of RUN DMC: “Armin’s Ball”

“How come 99% of the time he kicks the ball to Richie?” – The rest of the club

“How come he didn’t kick the ball to me that one time?” – Richie

Armin “Die Abenteurer” Mayer also has his own YouTube channel. Here he brings us a tribute to all those teams the Whites have beaten over the years, especially those Blues… The Muddy Tribute

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