Jul 282013
 

Unley 2 – 4 Uni Whites

Losing to Unley is bad enough, but then having to suffer the abuse in their somewhat biased match reports just rubs salt into the wound.  Having lost twice already this season the C’s again made the trip to the paddock of a pitch that Unley claim to be a fortress.

Inclement weather over night left the pitch heavy underfoot especially after the Whites D’s had fought a tough 3-3 draw with Unley D’s and ploughed many a furrow up, down and across the pitch.  Boyed by their first win of the season against a previously unbeaten Mount Barker the C’s were confident that this was to be their day.

Again Unley provided us with the extra motivation needed to spur on the boys.  A gentle reminder in each of the Whites players ears about previous match reports in which Unley kindly referred to us as a bunch of C U Next Tuesdays and as also being old, slow, whingey and dirty (I’m sure Chairman Lev didn’t play in that particular game) was all that was needed to provide that extra motivation.

The opening exchanges were evenly contested with both sides looking to get the ball down and play football on the paddock.  Unley swung in a couple of dangerous crosses to the back post with no reward and forced one routine save from The Whites keeper.

The Whites persevered with playing the beautiful game and were awarded a penalty for some offence that merits a penalty (I can’t remember exactly what).  Up stepped Leachy (Never missed a spot kick since he was in nappies) and sent it to the keepers right.  Unfortunately the man Unley refer to as the Bear guessed correctly, flung himself to the right and palmed the ball away.

Undeterred The Whites continued to play an expansive brand of attacking football with Simon and Ian making several forays down the flanks and linking up well with the two strikers Alex (Yiros lover) and Fairuz.  Our Yiros loving striker forced a great save from the Unley keeper when through one on one. When Fairuz managed to beat the keeper the post came to Unley’s rescue.

Now having read Unley’s match report prior to writing this there are some differing opinions as to The Whites attractive style and brand of passing football.  Alex finally broke the deadlock when, with his back to goal, he turned the two centre backs inside out with a deft flick before advancing on goal and calmly slotting the ball past the onrushing Bear.  Unley state that The Whites tactic of lumping the ball forward to the big lone striker eventually paid dividends (If they mentioned the big lone striker was ugly and gormless looking then they may have been some truth to their report).

One nil at half time, quickly became three nil despite the weather’s best efforts to ruin the game.  Despite the torrential rain, hail, thunder, lightning, plague of locusts and gale force winds The Whites kept it simple, kept the ball down and began to run riot.  Fairuz, then Manny both got their names on the score sheet as the Whites repeatedly got in behind the Unley defence and cut backs were put away with aplomb.

In response Unley sent on their young, quick Asian (NBA All Star Basketball Player) winger who had an immediate effect on the game.  Using his pace said NBA All Star got in behind ‘Chairman Plough’ who was carving up the ground in a merry fashion.  The ball hit one of the many furrows created by ‘Chairman Plough’ before popping up to around waist height.

Faced with the onrushing Whites keeper our NBA All Star deftly dribbled around the keeper with his hands before sinking a twenty foot jump shot.  Sorry, before smashing the ball into the roof of the net and running off grinning and waving his hand in the air (You cheating little F#%K).

Annoyed that he couldn’t catch the pacey All Star Player to attempt a tackle, chop him to piece or boot him into the neighbouring  field ‘Chairman Plough’ tried to go through the keeper (Whites)and lost (An ouchy followed).  The resultant ‘Ouchy’ lead to a reshuffle with Leachy dropping into centre back alongside Bocky, Fairuz into centre midfield and Dan Gartner, of tribute Band One Erection fame, joining the Yiros King up front.

Undeterred by Unley’s attempts to cheat their way back into the game the Whites pressed again and yet another cut back following good work down the flanks by our wingers and Yiros King lead to Dan Gartner sliding in at the back post to stick away the fourth Whites goal.  Unley unfortunately scored a second when Matty G lost his footing in the mud bath that had become the 18 yard box and the ball fell kindly at the feet of the Unley player who stuck it away in the bottom left hand corner.

The Whites comfortably shut up shop after this and played out the last five or so minutes without too much trouble.  Four two it finished, a great win in some of the worse conditions I have played in for many a year.  Credit is due to the boys for sticking to the game plan and playing some really good football in shite condition (or as Unley stated we continued to lump the ball long to our tall one striker).   Two wins on the bounce and there is a new found enthusiasm and determination in The C’s.  That’s It!!!

Credit to The Gaffer for preserving with us rabble when he could have and I know he has thought  ‘Fuck it’ and Mel (aka Nel B), who rain or shine is there to do the admin stuff, supply tape and half time snacks and most importantly tuck Bocky’s shirt into his pants.

  7 Responses to “Round 11: C’s vs Unley”

  1. A couple points in response:
    1) I didn’t play in the earlier league game that the inept Unley report refers to. So there…….
    2) the Nba all star beat Matt G on his way to hand balling it into the net
    3) if their keeper is bear, then ours is definately Bo Bo.
    4) I did get an ouchy when Bo Bo decided to sit on my ankle, rather than save the three point attempt at goal.
    5) who doesnt love yiros!

  2. Nice to see a response to their outlandish reports Bocky – well played!

  3. I can’t claim the credit. Bo Bo was the one to write it but he is inept with computers so he gets me to do it. I do get a discount on traffic offences as payment!

  4. Comedy gold – love ya work boys!

  5. I have no idea what I just read

    • Bobby if it’s the big words let us know as we can help you. To simplify the above document it is called a match report. It provides an over view of the game and in this case game where we stuck it too Unley.

  6. Top report. Almost exactly as I remember the game. The difference between this and Unley’s previous attempts at wordsmithing is that you know words and can string them together intelligently and with humour which only manages to offend 90% of aforementioned as opposed to Unley’s 100% strike rate.

    Bobby sorry for confusing you again.

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